so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
ttyl tear gas
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
