Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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