the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize