i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
