And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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