So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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