I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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