I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
