Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
