I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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