Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
