p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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