I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
