I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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