you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize