six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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