You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
