Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
