We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
