I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
