basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
