AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
