turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
