I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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