FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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