I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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