I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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