Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize