the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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