ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
