Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
