Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
