Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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