I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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