I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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