Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize