don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
