let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
