Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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