he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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