there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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