I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
