I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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