see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
