fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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