The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
