Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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