did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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