I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
