dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
