When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize