I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
