my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
