you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
