love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
