omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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