I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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