I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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