Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
