i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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