I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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