I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
