I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize