apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
