if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
