i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
