I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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