This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
