He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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