paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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